There's a jumble of thoughts in my head that have been swirling around on my walk home from mass, so hopefully they'll come out in a somewhat organized, cohesive manner.
I was lucky enough to meet up with an old friend from junior high and high school at GWU for Ash Wednesday mass, and I'm so glad I went.
It's always such a pleasure to see devoted college students, taking time out of their busy lives on a weekday for mass, even if it is a Holy Day of Obligation. And it always strikes me just how many Catholic college students there are, especially because at Haverford, I can probably count all of the (active in their faith) Catholic college students on one hand. (Okay, maybe two.)
That being said, I love going to mass on a college campus. Or going to mass with a priest who teaches at a university. There's something about the way Father says the homily that makes it accessible and understandable to students my age. He gets it. He gets us. And it makes mass that much more meaningful.
I also truly wish my school had a better Catholic ministry. Or maybe a larger Catholic ministry? My friend was telling me about FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) ministries at his school, and how they're there to be extra lines of communication to God, to lead Bible studies, help you develop your faith and change your life...I wish I could be involved in a Bible study. I wish there were post-college students on my campus readily available to help me through any spiritual crises and hard times, to help me be closer to God.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I gone to a Catholic school - Fordham, Notre Dame, Catholic University of America...would I have had more of a chance to grow in my faith? To become a better Catholic? Is that more important than getting a top-notch education? Because I think today I finally admitted to myself and accepted that I'm not as faithful, as devoted, as good a Catholic as I should be, as my friends or my mom are, or as others think I am. I'm not ashamed to be Catholic. Not at all. But am I proud, especially in public places? Not really. I get too concerned with what those around me will think or judge.
But I walked home from mass bearing the cross on my forehead, and I did not go into Starbucks to use the bathroom and erase it. (Yes, I'm ashamed to admit I contemplated it.) I'm ready to work at being proud, being LOUD and PROUD of who I am: a Catholic.
I'm so grateful to God for bringing me to mass (and confession) with M- today. Father Greg was discussing prayer in his homily, and he mentioned how it might just start with telling God you love him, and thanking him. One of my Lenten promises is going to involve just that, and this blog. I'll post everyday for the next 40 days things that happened that day that I am grateful for, and it will be a little mini-prayer to God.
So today, I am thankful for:
- Friendly people in Washington D.C. Two tenants in the building have said hello to me when we're awkwardly in the lobby together, and I've received a few smiles and nods from people in the street.
- A very generous extern host who feeds me, lets me come and go as I please, and gives me a place to sleep at night.
- Friends who keep in touch.
I'm on my way.
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