Today, Tomorrow

Post #232

One night on New Years Eve, I will be at some fancy, exclusive, invitation-only party, looking glamorous and feeling beautiful, dancing the night away with the best music pumping in the background, without a care in the world, ready for the ball to drop, ready for the midnight kiss.

Homesick

Post #231: Dedicated to: With a Little Help From My Friends; the Beatles

I miss speaking Danish.

2

Post #230: Dedicated to: Paradise; Coldplay

"Butterflies are God's proof that we can have a second life." (from Nikita)

Questionable

Post #229: Dedicated to: Shameless

1. I am a private person.
2. I am an emotional person.
3. But those emotions are bottled up and within a day they dissolve, and I'm back to being a private, locked-up box whose key has been thrown in the Pacific Ocean.
4. Exception: moments when those raw feelings are blurted out on this blog. Exhibit A: my last post.

It feels really good to be home. So good that I really don't miss Denmark very much at all. Some people, maybe. Foosball, yes. But being home trumps being in Denmark at the moment. That is just how I feel.

I see study abroad friends posting on facebook about how much they want to go back, how much America sucks, and I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. If I should be feeling like them. If I didn't get as much out of studying abroad as they did. If the whole last semester was a waste of time and money. If I would have been just fine not going abroad fall semester. If I even enjoyed my time abroad very much at all. If I could have, should have done things differently while I was there. If I should have made more of an effort to get close to people. If I should have made more of an effort to get to know the Danes. If it was worth it.

Shit Just Hit The Fan

Post #228

It really bugs me sometimes about how race is treated in America. I am an immigrant from South Korea. You are not. I am Asian in a white world, and I have to live with that. You do not. Growing up, I've been ashamed of my parents' lack of English-speaking skills on multiple occasions (as much as that fact shames me). You have not. Whenever something reasonably traumatic happens to me, the first thought I think is: is it because I'm Asian? You do not. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see a female – I see an Asian female. You do not. I'm intensely, incredibly aware whenever I'm the only Asian in a group of white people, or when I'm with a large group of Asians surrounded by white people. You are not.

And I'm okay with that.

Apparently, you are not.

It seems to me that oftentimes when race issues come up, you are the first to speak. And you think you're doing right by it, you're achieving justice in the world. You think everyone else should stand up next to you and do the same.

But guess what? At the end of the day, you go home and you continue living in your invisible seat of white privilege.

I do not.

Looking Back

Post #227: Dedicated to: Mistletoe; Justin Bieber

When I'm bored, I like to look back on stuff, whether that be old facebook notes, comments, statuses, old journal entries, old stories I wrote, etc.

And I gotta say...man, was I lame.

Oh who am I kidding? I'm still pretty lame.

But really. The things I used to write, the problems that used to plague me...they just crack me up. I can't wait to see how I feel about myself in the years to come.

To Moving Forward

Post #226

There's only so long a girl can wait before resorting to the realization that: he's just not that into you.

Here's to moving on, and moving forward.

God Bless America

Post #225: Dedicated to: The Heart of Christmas; Matthew West

We did a lot of awesome stuff in jazz choir in high school. Jazz festivals in Colorado, Reno, Fullerton, singing at mass at St. Peter's Basilica and all over Italy, 6 am rehearsals, performing for Rio Norte, standing ovations...Two years in VHS's "Two N Four" vocal jazz group were two of the best years ever.

One morning we were supposed to sing the Star Spangled Banner at WalMart, for its grand opening or something like that. We had a period of 45 minutes to get dressed in our choir dresses/suits, pile into people's cars, head to WalMart, sing, and get back in time for 3rd period.

K-, C-, and I piled into S-'s car. Now, mind you, S- had only just gotten her license, and technically wasn't supposed to be driving anyone under the age of 25. But it was a less than 5 minute drive, so we figured things would be all right.

We were running late. So very, very late. So S- was speeding. A lot. 16 miles above the speed limit, to be specific. By the time I spotted the cop sitting on his motorcycle, it was too late. We were speeding, and we were caught. Needless to say, we did not make it to WalMart to sing our country's great national anthem. We were sitting in S-'s car in a parking lot off the street, waiting for the police officer to finish writing us up.

There are so many more of these memories stored up in my brain. I miss 2 'N' 4 something fierce.

Every Once in a While

Post #224: Dedicated to: If Not Now, When?; Incubus

Every once in a while I hear a song and I listen to it over and over and over again. For the next 48 or so hours, it's my favorite song.

I've just discovered a new one: If Not Now, When? by Incubus, and I've been playing it nonstop.

I've definitely developed a solid liking for Incubus over the years. They're so peculiar, and the melodic harmony and chords so strange but perfect.

I've waited all my life

If not now, when will I?

Stand up and face the bright light

Don't hide your eyes

It's time

Until You Try

Post #223: Dedicated to: Cold December Night; Michael Bublé

I have definitely been neglecting this blog in favor of my study abroad one, and for that I apologize!

I have only 2 weeks and 1 day left in Denmark, and I truly can't believe time has gone by so quickly. I'm beyond excited to go home, yes, but also so so sad to leave. There are so many things I haven't done yet, places I haven't visited, food I haven't eaten, people I haven't hung out with...I'm going to have to cram as much as I can in the next 2 weeks.

Random quote of the day: "You never know what you can do until you try." Don't know who coined it, but when I was in 6th grade the 5th-grade classroom down the hall always yelled this phrase at the top of their lungs each morning. One morning, my teacher Mrs. Bellefeuille (can you believe I still remember how to spell that?? Pronounced Bell-fay, btw) decided to tease the other classroom and we engaged in a full-on yelling battle. From across the hall. They yelled it first, we yelled it louder, and so on and so forth. It was a fun morning, to say the least, and at least the quote became engrained in my head.

I was also reminded of one of the best memories of the summer – *clap clap raise the roof*! This was what we did one week of 826LA ELL camp – whenever a student volunteered to read his/her creative story or what not of the day, we clap, clap, and raised the roof. It was a very creative way to get the kids interested in sharing their stories, and I'd say that they (as well as the staff) had a pretty good time with this clap.

Anyway, enough of the trip down memory lane. It's time to get focused on the load of paper, finals, and fun to come!