Today, Tomorrow

Post #232

One night on New Years Eve, I will be at some fancy, exclusive, invitation-only party, looking glamorous and feeling beautiful, dancing the night away with the best music pumping in the background, without a care in the world, ready for the ball to drop, ready for the midnight kiss.

Homesick

Post #231: Dedicated to: With a Little Help From My Friends; the Beatles

I miss speaking Danish.

2

Post #230: Dedicated to: Paradise; Coldplay

"Butterflies are God's proof that we can have a second life." (from Nikita)

Questionable

Post #229: Dedicated to: Shameless

1. I am a private person.
2. I am an emotional person.
3. But those emotions are bottled up and within a day they dissolve, and I'm back to being a private, locked-up box whose key has been thrown in the Pacific Ocean.
4. Exception: moments when those raw feelings are blurted out on this blog. Exhibit A: my last post.

It feels really good to be home. So good that I really don't miss Denmark very much at all. Some people, maybe. Foosball, yes. But being home trumps being in Denmark at the moment. That is just how I feel.

I see study abroad friends posting on facebook about how much they want to go back, how much America sucks, and I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. If I should be feeling like them. If I didn't get as much out of studying abroad as they did. If the whole last semester was a waste of time and money. If I would have been just fine not going abroad fall semester. If I even enjoyed my time abroad very much at all. If I could have, should have done things differently while I was there. If I should have made more of an effort to get close to people. If I should have made more of an effort to get to know the Danes. If it was worth it.

Shit Just Hit The Fan

Post #228

It really bugs me sometimes about how race is treated in America. I am an immigrant from South Korea. You are not. I am Asian in a white world, and I have to live with that. You do not. Growing up, I've been ashamed of my parents' lack of English-speaking skills on multiple occasions (as much as that fact shames me). You have not. Whenever something reasonably traumatic happens to me, the first thought I think is: is it because I'm Asian? You do not. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see a female – I see an Asian female. You do not. I'm intensely, incredibly aware whenever I'm the only Asian in a group of white people, or when I'm with a large group of Asians surrounded by white people. You are not.

And I'm okay with that.

Apparently, you are not.

It seems to me that oftentimes when race issues come up, you are the first to speak. And you think you're doing right by it, you're achieving justice in the world. You think everyone else should stand up next to you and do the same.

But guess what? At the end of the day, you go home and you continue living in your invisible seat of white privilege.

I do not.

Looking Back

Post #227: Dedicated to: Mistletoe; Justin Bieber

When I'm bored, I like to look back on stuff, whether that be old facebook notes, comments, statuses, old journal entries, old stories I wrote, etc.

And I gotta say...man, was I lame.

Oh who am I kidding? I'm still pretty lame.

But really. The things I used to write, the problems that used to plague me...they just crack me up. I can't wait to see how I feel about myself in the years to come.

To Moving Forward

Post #226

There's only so long a girl can wait before resorting to the realization that: he's just not that into you.

Here's to moving on, and moving forward.