What Matters Most

Post #47

I've always wondered what kind of mother I would become.

Having grown up the way I did...am I going to follow down the same path? Am I going to make the same mistakes, the same successes my own parents did? I'm not sure that it's what I want. They did a lot of things right, but they did a lot of things wrong, too, as any other parent in this world.

Mostly, I'm scared I won't be a good mother. I'm scared I'm going to hear my kids tell me they hate me. I'm scared I'm going to end up with a spoiled brat as a daughter and a rebellious high school dropout as a son.

But I don't want to force my future kids into things...like I was? But I want them to have the best opportunities, I want them to have everything I didn't. What's that going to take? I want them to be smart, I want them to get into good colleges so they can have good jobs and live happy, relaxing lives without having to worry about financial problems. I want them to be talented...maybe in music, or sports, or arts...I just want too much out of my unborn kids. What if I'm disappointed? What if I end up with nothing more than an average child? What, then? What if he, what if she, isn't everything I dreamed of, and more?

I hate it when people tell me what kind of mom I'll be. C- tells me my kids will hate me. He says I'd be the type of mother that makes them study 24/7 with no lives whatsoever. He says yeah, I'll be a good mother...but not in that way. My kids are going to "hate" me. Well, then. Please don't make those kinds of assumptions about me and my life. You have no idea.

I think I want to have kids. I think. I don't know if I'll ever be prepared to make so many mistakes, though. I just don't know.

But I guess we're all just kind of winging it.