Abroad

Post #67: Dedicated to She's the Man

I so want to travel - right this minute.

I want to find myself in some strange, foreign land far away, armed with my camera and perhaps a guidebook or dictionary for simple words and phrases. I want to walk around in streets, stroll through parks, lay under the sun and read, sit at cafes and people watch, eat new food, sometimes delicious, sometimes not. I want to feel other cities, I want to experience different countries.

I so want to travel. Right now.

What Can You Do?

Post #66

Today is just one of those days.

I'm awkward. I make things awkward. I make people around me awkward. I make situations awkward.

I'm alone. I may be surrounded by people, but I'm lonely. At the end of the day, I'm alone.

I can't speak. I can't raise my hand in class. Everything I want to say, someone beats me to it. What I say is stupid. I'm stupid. I'm not brilliant.

I wish I was brilliant. I wish I wasn't awkward. I wish I didn't feel alone.

But I guess today is just one of those days.

Hercules

Post #65: Dedicated to: I Won't Say (I'm In Love); Hercules

At least,

out loud,

I won't say

I'm in love.

Too Much to Think About

Post #64: Dedicated to: Either Way; Guster

I have too much to think about, so maybe when it's here in writing it'll help me sort things out.

First of all,

To minor or to not minor in educational studies? The education class I would have to take this semester does not seem that fun...and it's a lot of work. A LOT of work. Too much work that I'd rather not invest my time in. And it's only going to get worse as the years go by...

Also, I don't even know if I want to teach. Right now, at this exact moment, I'd rather move to New York and work in publishing. But that's just right now...

Secondly,

I am a soprano, apparently. I auditioned for chamber singers tonight and the professor and I realized I have an incredibly clear high range. Like, that of a soprano 1, and not an alto 2. Yep. Oh, how I've been lied to all my life. Anyway...I'm not going to be accepted to chamber because I definitely don't have the classical training so far, but I'm glad I auditioned and learned this about myself. And the professor suggested I take private voice lessons, because had I had more training, I would be a complete shoo-in due to my good sight reading/tonal memory.

So I am considering voice lessons...but they're probably rather expensive, and where will that money come from??? Yeah. And say I did take lessons and auditioned again...I want to go abroad junior year, so the only full year I would be able to commit myself to chamber singers is senior year. All that work for just one year of singing? I don't know...but then again, I'd like to become a better singer in general, and this should help.

That leads me to third:

Money. And jobs. Should I take on another job? If I did, I'd definitely have more income to take private voice lessons and such. But do I have time for it? Especially now that I'm pitch of the Outskirts, with 5 hour a week rehearsals, and I'm already probably going to be working around 10 hours at the admissions office, and if I do take education, then 3 hours of fieldwork a week....plus obscene amounts of reading and writing for each class...

But extra money is always nice. Then I could go shopping. (Ha)

So yeah. Those are my dilemmas. And then there are always the usual boy problems. Boys suck. So if anyone has any, any, any words of advice, please shed them upon me. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and I'm tired of thinking.

Home

Post #63: Dedicated to: Dynamite; Taio Cruz

I'm settled in...but not settled in. I can't wait until I can fully unpack and organize and clean. In some respects, yes, I'm like Monica from Friends.

The last two weeks have been so relaxing. My week in New Jersey - I believe - was the best week of my life. So far. It was just so, so, so much fun hanging out with G- and her friends, and tanning on the shore, and eating delicious food at Atlantic City or watching movies late into the night on the couch...it was such a great week.

Now I'm sitting here in my room that's supposed to be home for the next year...and I like it. Yes, I like it. It needs a little sprucing up...but this room is going to shape up quite nicely.

Welcome home.

It's So Hard

Post #62: Dedicated to: Someone to Watch Over Me, Asher Book

It's so hard to say good-bye. It's even harder the second time around.

This time last year, I couldn't wait to get out of here. I couldn't wait to spend a year out on my own in the unknown world of college in Pennsylvania.

This time, though, I've already spent and survived my first year. I loved it, no doubt, but I loved coming home. I loved staying home. I loved summer.

It's just so much harder to leave again. To leave my familiar home, my hard-working parents and aunt, my amazing friends...

But life goes on?

I'll be back.

Who Dat?

Post #61: Dedicated to: Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars

No one is picking up their phone.

I'm a bit bummed. I feel like I was just left out in the cold. And while I'd like to be happy for her, as I rightly should, I feel betrayed and left alone.

On the other hand, New Orleans was a lot of fun. True, there were a lot of not so great times and I definitely learned a lot more about myself (Note to everyone: I was probably not fun to work with. I get too bossy and serious. Sorry!!) and sweat more than I ever have in my entire existence. But even so, it was a lot of fun. Last night particularly...for New Orleans during the summer wouldn't be New Orleans if we weren't randomly hit by rain and thunder and lightning! And the food....oooh myyyy gooooooshhh the food. Cajun style Louisiana soul food. Mm, mm, good. I'll remember this trip for a while.

But now I'm exhausted and my eyes are closing.