Soul Train

Post #190: Dedicated to: Promises; Desperation Band

Had such a great weekend. Haven't had one of these in a while – and the good times just keep on coming! (And hopefully will for the rest of the summer.)

But this weekend really made me want to stay in California forever. I hate that I constantly have to leave, and I hate the thought of leaving people I love behind. It makes me think...where do I really belong after college? Do I want to try to make it in New York or Boston or some other east coast city...or do I want to come home to Cali? Not sure yet, but SJKCC definitely adds one point to CA.

I also sincerely hope that the new friends I meet, I will stay friends with for a while. It bums me out whenever I meet new people I really like, and then we never see each other/talk to each other again. Fingers crossed this time around!

Summer Solstice

Post #189: Dedicated to: Undisclosed Desires; Muse

Matt Bomer, you are a beautiful, charming, suave man. I wish I had cable so I could watch White Collar and stare at you for an hour of riveting television every week.

My day off was perfection. A wonderful day at the beach (should have put on more sunscreen on my face...whoops) and a delicious dinner. Shame I lost my sunglasses in the water...again...you think I would learn this after losing my sunglasses to waves LAST summer. Third time's the charm?

"I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart"

Miss USA

Post 188: Dedicated to: Heaven; OAR

I think she's absolutely gorgeous. Do us proud, California!

Thanks

Post #187

D-, I love ya. Thanks. Really. :)

And let's meet up...Mondays or Wednesdays! Mondays because it's the start of the week so we can always use a little pick-me-up, and Wednesdays because it's the middle of the week so it'll give us a little push towards the weekend! Haha. And we'll pick a delicious (cheap) restaurant to try out each week!

And it's not so bad anymore. Now that the school year festivities are pretty much over, we're moving on to the summer workshops, and I should be getting a much more detailed introduction/overview of exactly what my duties are. And – I'm getting the grant from my school for sure! So at least there's always that. I hope your internship goes well! (I'm sure it will. And if not...well I promise you it will get better!) If nothing else...well, there's always the weekend to look forward to.

In other news: Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I remember a looong time ago, back in Anaheim, when I got an award in something (can't remember what...school? orchestra?) but you decided we would celebrate by going out for a drive. It was a long drive, I don't even know where we went, and I'm pretty sure I slept through 90% of it, but I loved spending time with my Dad. For some odd reason, I never feel safer than when I'm in the car with you. I know I joke a lot about getting all of my bad genes from you, but I wouldn't change it for the world, because you make me who I am. Thanks for everything, and I'm going to make you proud one day.

Useless

Post #186: Dedicated to: Hurt Love Box; Mark Ballas

I felt so discouraged on my way home today. I know it's only my second day, but I haven't really been introduced or given an overview of exactly what I should be doing at any moment. I mean, they handed me an old (as in, was written on because it belonged to an old intern) intern handbook to read over, and while it had lots of information in it, I have no idea if that's what I should be doing. I don't know if I should pick up the phone, what to say if I do pick up the phone, whether or not to check the email account, what to do if I have nothing to do, whether I should sit in a chair and twiddle my thumbs...

Then I feel stupid, because it makes me feel like I should be taking initiative and doing these things on my own. Is that what everyone expects of me? I have no idea. So I just sit there feeling useless.

And to top it all off, I was paired to work with one of the most difficult kids during the afternoon tutoring session. Seriously, this little third grader just would not do his work or stay in his seat, something my boss told him repeatedly to do. Then I thought I would get into trouble because my boss told me not to let him get up, but he'd get up anyway and not do his homework, making me look like a bad babysitter. Is it me? Should I have been stricter right off the bat so he listened? I can't remember if yesterday he was acting just as badly...

But yeah. Suffice to say, by the time I left, I was feeling pretty down and incompetent. I feel like I'm letting my boss down, and worst of all I'm letting myself down. I don't like that.

To top it all off, I feel exhausted. I'm not ready for real-life workdays yet. I leave my house around 8, 8:30 to get there by 10. I get out around 5:30 or 6, and then get home (ever so slowly) anywhere from 7-8. Almost 12-hour workdays here. I'm feeling like I've got no time in my life anymore. And ha, it's only been the second day.

The thing is, this organization and the programs they put on are absolutely amazing. The mornings are taken up by field trips where grade schoolers and middle schoolers come in to the writing lab to co-write a story that we publish (print and bind), all in about two hours. The kids are hilarious and they have so much fun, and it's such a great way to get them writing and thinking creatively. And I'm sure the after school tutoring is very helpful for some students, especially those who need the extra one-on-one attention and a safe place to be and work and such.

So this is probably a lot of me whining. But hopefully things will get better, and soon. Cheers to that.

2 a.m. Friends

Post #185: Dedicated to: The Romantics; by Galt Niederhoffer

From Sarah Dessen's What Happened to Goodbye:

" 'When you move a lot, you don't have a lot of entanglements. There's not really time to get all caught up in things. It's simpler.'
He thought about this for a second. 'True. But if you never really make friends, you probably don't have anyone to be your two a.m. Which would kind of suck.'

I just looked at him as he stirred his soup, carrots spinning in the liquid. 'Your what?'

'Two a.m.' He swallowed, then said, 'You know. The person you can call at two a.m. and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they're asleep or it's cold or you need to be bailed out of jail. It's, like, the highest level of friendship.' "

Are we two a.m. friends?