Complex

Post #184: Dedicated to: Baby Proof; by Emily Giffin

I think one of the favorite questions interviewers like to ask is: what is your best/worst quality? It's something I hate answering. I feel like my closest friends could answer that much more accurately than I ever could. Or rather – my closest friends can see my best qualities more clearly than I ever will. And all I can see are my worst qualities, like they're pixelated after being zoomed in too much.

I remember I was asked what my worst quality was in high school during an interview and couldn't, for the life of me, think of one thing on the spot. (The interview, coincidentally, didn't go that well. I really am not a great interviewer. At all.) I can't even honestly remember what I said. All I know is, an hour after the interview I realized the perfect worst quality (all the while cursing my luck that I couldn't think of it at the time) – that I was competitive.

Oddly enough, being competitive serves as a best and a worst quality. Then, when you think about it, almost everything can be both a best and a worst trait. You're happy, but too happy such that you are blind to anything sad or bad. You're dedicated, but sometimes too dedicated and a work-a-holic. You're kind, but too kind and thus taken advantage of. See what I mean?

Anyway, I've come to realize (apart from the fact that I am a fairly complex person) that one of the most constant best/worst qualities I have is hope. I'm aware of its pros/cons. One of my favorite quotes, from the movie Milk: "You cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living." That kind of sums it all up. I'm aware that too much hope is definitely dangerous, and in my case is probably very well caused by all those chick flicks/books I read that fill my head with a fantastical idea of a perfect life – and, what's more, lead me to hope that that kind of perfect life exists out there for me. But to be without hope (and hope for anything, really – hope that you will improve your writing, hope for a newborn child, hope that the war will soon end), and to be completely devoid of hope...is that really a life worth living? Who wants to live a life spent thinking that it's not going to get better in the end?

No, it's not realism. It's cynicism.

And I guess that just makes me an optimist.

Siblings

Post #183: Dedicated to: What Happened to Goodbye; by Sarah Dessen

I have to say, I'm quite glad I'm the youngest sibling. I don't know what I would have done if I had a difficult younger brother or sister. As immature as my brother can be, I was most definitely the bigger brat growing up. And he was pretty patient with me, and often gave up his share of the ice cream cones and t.v. time or whatnot.

Like I said, I don't know what I'd do if I had a little sister like me. Or worse, a little sister who is an even bigger brat growing up, going through middle-school and high-school crushes and drama and puberty and all that. I'd probably hate her and not want to be her sister, which would be just sad.

Yeah. Pretty thankful I'm the youngest.

(Above picture is the art of Richard Curtner, who is currently my new favorite artist. I'm going to try to emulate his work with one of my own, fingers crossed! Also, if anyone would like to get me a print of that picture for my birthday, I would be eternally grateful. Or "Better than Fiction." or "Epic." =] )

Constant Reminder

Post #182: Dedicated to: Life As We Know It

It never fails to surprise me how much I could not care about something if it's not close to home, if it doesn't affect me, if it's not physically around me.

One such situation I was reminded of today: being born in the right place at the right time to the right family. Being privileged enough to immigrate to America and become a U.S. citizen.

You'd think that after taking a class titled Conflict and Inequality in Latin America, I'd have learned all about immigration. Which I did. In fact, I even did my final media presentation project on migration within and out of Mexico. But still, I forgot that I knew people who had immigrated, who weren't citizens – who weren't allowed to legally be in America at all.

I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. Not being allowed a drivers license...financial aid for college? And so many other "privileges"...just makes me appreciate what I have so much more. It's a constant reminder to thank my lucky stars.

Can't Sleep

Post #181: Dedicated to: Teen Idol; by Meg Cabot

It's 3:51 a.m. and I am not sleepy in the slightest. Damn you, green tea lemondade in the afternoon and earl grey in the evening. Should have seen this coming.

Since midnight, I've watched 3 episodes of Pushing Daisies, re-read Teen Idol (from the middle to the end), and lay in bed dreaming up study abroad scenarios and getting myself very pumped to be in Copenhagen. Definitely need to be up in about 5 hours and head to the strawberry festival in Oxnard. :)

So on Thursday I was back at my old high school helping out with yearbook distribution, and I got to see one of my favorite teachers, Mr. M. Needless to say, he didn't seem all that excited to see me—or maybe I'm just being typical me, over-thinking and over-analyzing everything. But anyway, it got me thinking...how much do high school teachers care? Students come and students go—good, bad, smart, lazy. Sure, they have favorites every year in every class, but what happens when said favorites graduate and leave? Teachers have hundreds and hundreds of new kids each year. Are they really expected to care about the handful of kids they especially liked or didn't like that year...for the rest of their lives? Do all the special students remain remembered? Is it just a fantasy that us students have when we think our favorite high school teachers look back fondly on their memories of us in their classes? Do teachers really not give a damn?

If I end up becoming a high school teacher somewhere down the line, I swear—I'm always going to remember those kids. Maybe not all of them, but at least the special ones, whether they were special because they were smart, motivated, lazy, or troublemakers. I won't forget their names and what they were like, even if I have to write it down.

p.s. chicken stir-fried udon was a success! Next up: buffalo chicken dip. (Can you tell I have a lot of chicken left over?)

Dear Future Husband

Post #180

I have one requirement. That you kill all the bugs for me without flinching.

These Are The Facts

Post #179: Dedicated to: Pushing Daisies

I'm on a mission this summer: to cook for myself. Today, I made a delicious salad. Ha...a pretty simple salad, but perfectly delicious to me! Mixed greens, corn, mandarin oranges, lemon juice. Yep, that's it. Sweet and simple.

Next task: stir-fried chicken and udon. It might just fail...but cereal's always a nice back-up plan.

And a side note: I appreciate having a few days off, but I've realized that I like having a routine. That routine might not involve waking up early in the morning...but it sure doesn't involve sleeping 12 hours a day only to take another 3-hour nap in the afternoon. Ya. No joke. It's sad, really. I'm ready to start my internship and start my summer. (:

So yeah, I've been lazying around watching lots and lots of movies and tv. Pushing Daisies: highly recommended, if only to stare at Lee Pace's adorable face. And long for pies. Mmm. Pies. Pastiera. Blueberry cream. Pumpkin. Banana Cream. A la mode. Yummmmm. Pies.

I'll get an LA Fitness membership soon. And start getting back into my routine. For now, though, I've got Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the best oranges ever to keep me company.

p.s. Love seeing dreams come true. Love putting a smile on someone's face. All you need sometimes is a big heart. A good heart.

My Happiness

Post #178: Dedicated to: August Rush

Every so often, I come upon one of those days. Or rather, one of those nights. When the tensions of my life and the problems of the world crash upon me and all I want to do is crawl up in a ball, cry, and sleep forever. I know I have to get up in the morning and start all over again, but it's hard to feel like it'll get any better, that I'll get happier.

So here are my personalized tips for happiness, things I really am going to strive to follow.

1) Have faith and confidence in myself. I'm smart, and I can do it.

2) Lower my expectations – life is not like it is in the movies. It's high time I realized that.

3) Stop constantly comparing myself to others. I am me, and that's the most important thing.

4) Really, really live in the moment. Think about today, not tomorrow. I spend too much time thinking – worrying, really – about what's going to happen, not what's happening now. I've got to stop losing myself in the future, and start finding myself in the present.

There are my tailored happinesses. Hopefully they help.

Picturesque

Post #177

Every so often I wake up and go outside and am greeted with the most beautiful sky in the world. The purest blue you could ever think of paired with little fluffs of white cotton candy here and there. It's the greatest way to start your day, smiling at a beautiful, picturesque sky.

To the Mothers

Post #176: Dedicated to: Eet; Regina Spektor

I've only got one final left - a paper due Friday - but I'm freaking out already. I have a topic...ish...but this paper needs to be amazing and I'm not having any sudden realizations or brain sparks. Sad. Maybe in the morning...?

Today's post is really dedicated to all of the wonderful mothers out there in the world, including my own. At mass, a mom came in alone with 4 kids (young kids, mind you. Maybe all under the age of 6?) - 2 boys, a little girl, and then a small baby.

And she was being a super-mom. These kids, being kids, were all over the place and talking really loudly and slamming things and crying. Little girl would peer into her mom's bag and take out books, then peer into the bag of the lady sitting at the end...like I said, all over the place. I think at one point the mom had the baby strapped to her chest, then was carrying her little girl with her right arm on her hip, and had her left arm around one of her boys. Crazy. They left halfway through mass, though, because the little baby started crying and wouldn't stop.

I don' t know how she does it. So amazing. Mothers are amazing. And the patience she had with all of them. How does she not just get overwhelmed? I think being a mom is the hardest, most rewarding job in the world. It's tough work that never ends.

So, moms, thank you. Thank you for making it through this far. Thanks for being amazing, awesome, patient teachers and role-models. Thanks for raising us right.

Flowers in May

Post #175: Dedicated to: Can't Take it Back; Lucas Carpenter

(I love prints of maps. I think I will decorate my future house/room with prints of maps.)

It has been a while. I apologize. It's weird, having blogged every day for 40 days, and then suddenly stopping. But I've been very busy (if that's any excuse).

I had a good Easter – was blessed enough to spend it with S-'s family and a home-cooked, delicious brunch, through a "home for the holidays" program at school.

The Monday after Easter, I had Chipotle for lunch and then again for dinner. Yeah....it was good, but never again twice in one day. Too much good = bad.

Haverfest was fun. Friday was okay but Saturday was so much more fun (sorry to M- and L-!) Frankly, I think the weather determined everything. And Saturday was perfecto!

But now we have moved on to finals week...and I have so much due so soon. One paper down, One final exam, one photoessay, and one regular essay left. Ah!

Summer's rapidly approaching, and I'm finding myself with more options than I thought. Well, I may be counting the eggs before they hatch, seeing as how I really don't officially have any internship yet, but I might have to choose between NYC and LA this summer. And, obviously, I'd choose LA. Although this would mean I would have to make more calls rejecting stuff. I hate doing that...ah well. I'd love to be home this summer. Too much real life too soon!

Anyway, no fun stories to tell. Well, that's not true. I could probably tell you some fun(ish) stories. But I should really get back to work. And hopefully I'll blog again soon!